With this ring, I thee keep away from 3 year old

For our 9th anniversary my wife presented me with a new wedding band. That may seem like an odd anniversary to renew vows or rekindle flames, until you consider that I have been posing as a single man for the last 7 months. Without a ring on my finger I have spent many late nights prowling the streets of Webster, New York for the unattached. Unshackled from the marriage symbol I have lived my bachelor pad, 2-seat convertible dreams. It’s no wonder that Tricia put the bling back on my finger. She couldn’t handle the renegade that was unleashed and had to tame the wild beast before I jeapordized our family’s well-being.

If only I were that interesting…

I have really been sans wedding ring for the last 7 months because of one of those you’ll laugh about it someday stories. Late last year Tricia and I decided to make pierogies for our family Christmas Day festivities. I took off my ring and put it on the computer desk downstairs so that it would not get ruined amidst the 14 hour day of mixing, filling and quick-freezing dozens of pierogies. Before bed I went downstairs to put my ring back on. It was nowhere to be found. Not on the desk…not on the floor…not anywhere else I would typically leave it. Then I remembered that earlier in the day our 3 year old Anna was playing computer games. Here’s how the conversation went down:

Me: Anna, were you playing with Daddy’s ring today?
Anna: Yes Daddy
Me: Do you know where you left it?
Anna: No
Me: Were you playing with it on the desk?
Anna:Yes
Me: It’s not there anymore, do you know where it is?
Anna: Yes, it rolled on the floor
Me: Oh, and THEN what happened?
Anna: I DON’T KNOW **crying** IT JUST DISAPPEARED

We tried hundreds of different memory jogging techniques, but the long term recall of a 3 year old who plays with pretty things is less than that of a goldfish. It HAD to be somwehere in the house, Anna hadn’t even been outside that day. I didn’t panic. I was convinced it would just turn up. Lost things tend to do that.

The next day, my “it will turn up” mindset turned into obessing about the ring’s whereabouts. I turned the house upside down – opening every Little People toy, and shaking out every princess costume. Finally, I resorted to the best MacGyver tactic I could come up with. I lashed a webcam and a flashlight to a coat hanger, then hooked the apparatus up to my laptop. As if sending the remote cameras down to the Titanic I sent zippy1 (the name for my remote scout) down into the depths of every one of the first floor heat ducts. While there were plenty of dust bunnies and candy wrappers, alas there was not a glint of gold. Dejected, but nonetheless convinced that I looked everywhere, I turned back to “it will turn up”. It never did.

The wild beast I was not. I was heart broken about losing that original symbol of our marriage. But, I also know in the end it is just that. The Ring became a little joke within the family. Now, whenever we lose something we say, “Maybe it’s with Daddy’s wedding ring”. Tricia and I fully expect to someday find that ring along with the countless other trinkets that our kids have lost; probably in the bowels of Mister Potato Head.

The good news is that neither of us is into the yellow gold rings we chose in 1998. We thought perhaps an upgrade to our new taste was in order for our 10 year anniversary. Thankfully Tricia didn’t make me wait that long. Today I’ve got a simple white gold, comfort fit band on my finger. It makes me feel like I just got married all over again. Isn’t that what anniversaries are all about?